Learn ways to strengthen & regulate your boundaries
May 16 2 - 4:30 PM
Crazy Wisdom Bookstore, Ann Arbor
presenter: Carole Kirby, lmsw
Our boundary is the invisible protective screen that develops around the self to hold our developing self intact as children. The boundaries provide a sense of security for children and protect their innocence. Later our boundaries determine our sense of self-esteem, our self-confidence, our sense of control over our lives and our personal freedom. With clearly defined boundaries, we know our own thoughts and feelings and, in turn, are able to interpret and regulate our interactions with our world. Boundaries can become blurred through boundary invasion or boundary neglect. Everyone Welcome!
While FREE, please call or e-mail to register.
Discover a New Way to Love
A Couples Weekend Workshop
July 9-11 Ann Arbor area
Fri. 7pm-10:30 pm, Sat. 8:30 am-8pm, Sun. 8:30 am-7pm
Whether you've been together 6 months, 5, 10, or 30 years, this weekend will offer you new tools and understanding that can help you co-create a closer, stronger coupleship. This workshop is based on the best selling book, Getting the Love You Want, by Dr. Harville Hendrix, founder of Imago relationship therapy. Call to register or to find out more information.
presenter: Carole Kirby, lmsw 734.424.2797
|Giving Couples a
"Talking" Chance at Marriage
Harville Hendrix, the founder of Imago relationship therapy was interviewed by M.D. Caprario for LASPLASH.COM: Entertainment. Caprario mentioned that the media refers to Hendrix as the "marriage whisperer." In the interview, Hendrix commented that "most couples usually tend to focus on personal needs rather than relationship needs."
Given this orientation, Hendrix mentioned that couples tend to get divorced when the relationship does not meet the needs of the individual. Hendrix feels that most couples do not know how to create and sustain connection. He goes on to say that the "cure" for divorce is to train couples to focus on their relationship as a priority rather than individual need, in order to create what he and his wife, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, term the "conscious marriage." Couples need to learn how to have empathic attunement to one another in order to feel safely attached.
"Affairs occur because there is no secure emotional connection," Hendrix explained. "This stems from childhood, when there might have been inconsistent (parent) caretaking and no or little secure emotional connection. Affairs occur when intimacy produces anxiety." The key, he feels, to address infidelity is to create within the individual the capacity to connect without being frightened. This requires very special communication.
There are skills, insights, understanding, and practices that enhance the possibility that couples can stay in connection. Imago relationship therapy provides an opportunity for true dialogue, communication that is equal and without judgment. Hendrix indicates that "the purpose for such unions would be healing and wholeness of the individuals. But the modality would be the focus of the relationship and its care."
"In an ideal world," Dr. Hendrix feels, "relationship skills would be taught in school. They would be considered as important as spelling, writing, and mathmatics, etc." That absent, Imago relationship therapy has programs and opportunities that couples need for change to happen.
Caprario, closed his article with the following: "Imagine a world in which no tabloid had a sex scandal or messy divorce to report. Imagine a world without road rage. Imagine a world without abuse, domestic violence, or rape, or even war. All of these begin with change in individual relationships and, ultimately, this creates for us a perspective to better interact with and respond to the rest of the world."
Five Core Traits of Intimate Couples
1. I hold myself in warm regard despite my imperfections. I do not see myself as one up or one down to my partner.
2. I have good personal boundaries. I do not hide behind some wall.
3. I say what is real to me. I know what I know and feel and share that with my partner, because it is in my (and our) long term best interest.
4. I take care of myself. I know what I need and what I want. I can lean on my partner when I need help. I can ask for help from my partner when I want it.
5. I am moderate. I see the gray in our life. Our relationship is not seen in either black or white extremes. I am not uptight and constricted with my partner. I do not need to be in control of what is happening between us.
Adapted from the work of Pia Melody & Terrence Real.
five good minutes with the one
deepen & renew your love
by Jeffrey Brantley, MD & Wendy Millstin, NC
As time goes by, the rest of the world can start to slip in between you and the one you love. It takes practice & intention to remain deeply connected and truly intimate with someone - but it doesn't need to take a lot of time. With simple practices in this book, you'll be able to really connect with your special someone in just five minutes a day.
There are other books by the same authors that I
think you will
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