How I Can Help

I help couples develop safe, loving relationships.

As your couples therapist, I can bring knowledge, encouragement, support and even lovingly challenge both of you, but the two of you must want a safer, more interesting, and satisfying relationship. I can’t give you that safety and connection.

Each of you must want to discover and learn about yourself and each other in order for a deeper, safer, more compassionate, more interesting, and loving connection can develop.

I will help you discover the roadblocks that get in the way of loving connection and Intimacy. BUT the two of you must be curious, motivated, and willing to make effective use of the sessions by speaking up, sharing your feelings, your hurts, disappointments, and your desires, etc.

The two of you must learn how to create the discipline and ability to talk about your disappointments, hurts, needs, desires, etc. in the sessions as well as outside of the sessions. I will teach you how to safely talk with each other using a “dialogue format” In your sessions. The goal, of course, is for you eventually to be able to have safe discussions on your own. Learning to talk together in a safe way, both in and out of sessions, is of utmost importance. 

Coming to the session with some idea/s of an issue or question you want to explore is also important. Couples therapy is a participatory process – being able to identify your hurts, disappointments, desires, and bring them up for discussion in your sessions is your first challenge. Doing some reading, thinking, and “practice talking” together outside of sessions is extremely important. Being able to do what I call the intentional dialogue with each other in a safe way outside the sessions is the goal.

I draw heavily on the theory and practice developed by Harville Hendrix,PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. They were the first in the field of marital therapy to posit some of the underlying reasons why couples have difficulty in their intimate relationships.

In the past couple of years I have integrated some concepts of Terry Real, PhD as well as from others in this burgeoning field of couples therapy. I recently attended one year of virtual training with Terry Real’s approach. I particularly recommend reading his most recent book, US, Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. I also trained virtually with Ellen Bader, PhD and her approach for working with couples.